Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
