ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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