I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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