I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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