I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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