I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
