In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
