you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
