My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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