In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
