Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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