She said her name was "party"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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