Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
