The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
