u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
