glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
