His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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