Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
