All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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