I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
