At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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