God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
