I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
