I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
