I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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