like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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