Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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