Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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