Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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