I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
