Pappa wants mamma naked
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
