I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
