he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
