I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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