oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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