if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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