Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I sprained my soul last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
