Sponge bath it is.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
