if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
