You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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