you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We had sex on a dog bed..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
