I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there's paper in my vomit.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
