hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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