Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
