Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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