I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
