when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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