did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
