I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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