i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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