this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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