I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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