So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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