the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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