she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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