why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
