Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
