I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
