Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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