How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
