he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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