OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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