You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This baby is an asshole
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
