I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
