At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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