I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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