Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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