the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
