dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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