he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
