did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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