i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize