So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
