I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
