the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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