In the future we'll all be gay
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
