I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
