after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
