He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
