Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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