Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
