Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
