well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
