I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
